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During the past 20 years, Dr Eric Daiter has successfully helped thousands of couples that have suffered through the grief and emotional trauma of a pregnancy loss. If you have questions about miscarriage or you just want to find a compassionate infertility specialist to guide you, Dr Eric Daiter would be happy to help (in his Edison, NJ office or on the telephone). It is easy, just call us at 908 226 0250 to set up an appointment (leave a message with your name and number if we are unable to get to the phone and someone will call you back).


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As soon as a pregnancy becomes recognized, each (prospective) parent starts to accept and plan for his or her new arrival. If the pregnancy is lost, this is often considered a death within the family and the couple will go through an intense grieving process. The loss of a pregnancy is usually devastating for the couple, regardless of the number of children in the family.

Components of the grieving process may be easier to accept and cope with if they are consciously understood. Therefore, I have outlined some major issues. Interested couples are encouraged to either read the original sources or consult a professional psychologist specializing in this area.

The grieving process often includes (as described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, On Death and Dying, New York: Macmillan Publishing Co., 1969) sequential periods of

  • Denial, beginning with the shock of learning that there has been a death
  • Anger, often inappropriately directed at anyone the person thinks about or sees
  • Bargaining, often involving charitable acts or attempts to reconcile damaged relationships
  • Depression, often associated with feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
  • Acceptance, enjoying the time spent with family and social groups more than ever.

There may also be changes in one's self image. The changes that have been described (by SL Roberts, Behavioral Concepts in the Critically Ill Patient, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 1976) in the context of the loss of a body part may be relevant, including

  • Impact, beginning at the point of awareness that there is a problem requiring the loss of a body part (or here essentially a family part)
  • Retreat, where denial of the importance of the loss may occur (a second opinion at this point is often important in allowing movement toward closure)
  • Acknowledgment, with acceptance of the need for treatment generating an attempt to place the treatment and loss into an appropriate context
  • Reconstruction, a redefinition of self image without the presence of the lost part (or family member)

In this grieving process, if the other members cannot accept the redefined self images of each member of the family then there is often a long lasting impact possibly resulting in depression. If a couple can not get over the loss then professional counseling is often quite powerful and should be recommended.

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